Got the Agent, Doubting Their Judgement

I finally got my agent. I interviewed the two main agents at the talent agency, and liked them. I read the contract. I filled out the paperwork. I signed the contract. I mailed everything to the agency. Sigh of relief, right?

I got an email from my agency to please go to a casting website and fill in my résumé. In the process of doing so, I saw the headshots that were selected and uploaded for me by my agency. These are the photos that casting directors will see when deciding who to choose for auditions. These photos should look like the actor, should make a great impression and should say, "hey, pick me".

I HATE the headshot photos of me that my agency chose and uploaded. In one, I have on so much makeup that I don't even look like myself and my hair looks terrible. The hair and makeup were courtesy of a goth-girl makeup artist who excused herself at one point during our session to go and barf due to "a wicked hangover". We're talking turquoise eye-shadow, people. These images were not photos that I selected to print from the photo session, but appeared on the CD of all images from the session. They are gross. They do not look like me. The impression they might make is dubious, at best. Perhaps they'll say, "hey, pick me to play the dead hooker in the alley".

Part of the contract I signed with the agency stipulates that the agency gets to pick which photographs they submit for auditions. I worked so hard to get an agent, and now, the first decision they make on my behalf is more than a bit disheartening.

The silver lining on this massive thunderhead of a cloud is that my agency has nothing to do with my theater work. I still call the shots with anything on the stage or performed live. That will remain mine, and mine alone, as will all the money I make doing stage work. Thus far, earnings from stage work and film/TV work are neck-in-neck.

Even if the (in my very opinionated opinion) terrible photos of me that my agency chose never get me another film audition, I still have the stage.

Yeah, I'm a bit sick to my stomach over this. Must smile and nod. Agent knows best.

Mayhaps I Have an Agent

Thursday I meet with my possible new agent. This talent agent was not my first choice, but certainly wasn't on the "hell no" list. Thanks, Universe.

An unrelated note on etiquette: Never, ever walk up to a friend who acts for either a living or for a hobby and burp out the phrase "still acting?", unless it is your express intent to offend and demean your friend's chosen craft / hobby. Also don't be surprised if I bark "still doing all that boring mess you do that no one cares about?" in response. Jerkwad.

Go Ahead and Judge, I Got a Rock for Your Glass House

Acting at this point is less of a profession for me, and more of an expensive hobby. I barely break even between expenses and earnings each year. (Yes, IRS, I report my earnings and expenses truthfully!)

Recently I took part in an acting class that was (not exactly) guaranteed to help me land a talent agent. In the past, I've had good luck booking extra and featured extra roles myself. The upside to this is that I keep all the money I earn. The downside to representing myself is that I obviously don't have access to as many roles as the talent agents do. So it's time for an agent! I spent $225 on this class which was supposed to last seven weeks, but ended up lasting eleven weeks. My wallet and calendar were taken hostage by this class. At the urging of the acting coach, I ended up shelling out an additional $701 for new actor photos & prints, media kit supplies, costume pieces and props.

On the night of the big showcase I remembered all my lines and gave scene performances that made me proud for an audience of talent agents and casting directors. After the showcase, my peers hailed me as the best in the class. The talent agent I most wanted to court complimented me on great performances. One of the casting directors introduced herself, and another casting director remembered me from my past work with him. The (fear-inspiring, outspoken, very opinionated) acting coach hugged me and said my scenes "were perfect". BUT (and it is a HUGE but), a week later, I still haven't had an offer from an agent. Yep, it's demoralizing.

People tell me I'm a good actress. People say I don't break their camera lenses. I lost 32 pounds in pursuit of an acting career. I exercise. I eat healthfully. I moisturize. I remember my lines. I show up on time. I bring my props and costumes/wardrobe. I respond promptly to any and all inquiries for work. I bring my 8x10 photos with résumés trimmed and attached. I am ready for this, dammit! Come on, Universe!

"Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are `It might have been.' " -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

I don't mind if I'm a has-been actress someday, as long as I'm not a never-been actress.