Call Me Debbie Downer

You know those people who you avoid hanging out with because of their unbridled pessimism and bad attitude? When it comes to my commercial auditions, I'm such a Debbie Downer. I wince each time I see my agent's phone number on the caller ID, because 95% of the time they have an audition for me, it's a commercial audition. I should do a little happy dance and adjust my attitude to be grateful for opportunity, but instead I wonder what foolishness I'll have to endure at the audition. I get especially peeved when I have to drive to another city for an audition, like I did today, during a monsoon no less.

Today's audition was for the role of the non-speaking, but super proud, mom in a teach-your-kids-to-read product endorsement. The positives: the casting agent was politely professional and totally put me at ease; no face-muscle spasms; the little girl I auditioned with was so cute and had an instant rapport with me; the casting agent genuinely thanked me for auditioning. The negatives: the aforementioned driving to another city in hard rain on slick freeways with 70 MPH speed limits - which meant everyone drove 85 MPH despite the rain; saw lots of wrecks and near-misses on driving trip; the little girl I auditioned with was supposed to be able to read, but clearly couldn't; the little girl's mom was not a happy camper and claimed that the talent agent didn't relay the audition information to her. It's a cardinal sin to blame things on your talent agent. Most of the time, they're BFFs (or at least pretend to be for professional reasons) with the casting people. Anything you say can, and will, be used against you, and will be relayed to your talent agent. No smack-talk! Get your details straight. Call or email your agent if you have questions.

Kiss the ground! I made it home in one piece. If I get a call-back audition for this role, I'll have to drive to a different city that's even farther away. Uh-oh, here comes Debbie Downer hoping she doesn't get a call-back. Oh, DD, hush. No one wants to hear that stinkin' thinkin'.

In case you were in suspense about my last post, I did not get the burger commercial. I'm still a vegetarian who doesn't buy leather or animal-based epoxies. Never say never though...

Vegetarian in Burger Commercial?

I haven't eaten red meat for eight years, and no poultry or fish in three years. I haven't bought leather in years either. Wednesday I have an audition for a burger chain commercial. Umm...

During the audition, we'll be biting into empty burger buns. That's vegetarian friendly, so no worries. It's probably a non-issue since I'm bad at commercial auditions and have only been in one TV ad campaign to date. (It was also for a restaurant chain. I had to drink cranberry juice posing as wine and eat vegetarian spaghetti and marinara sauce. Totally fine, except for the cursed 5:00 AM call time.)

The funny coincidence is that lately, I've had some pretty powerful cravings for meat. Not for hormone-free, antibiotic-free, free-range chicken; but for a greasy, questionably raised, red meat hamburger. With cheese. From the particular restaurant chain that I'm auditioning for the commercial.

Here's how I see it: I'm not good at commercial auditions what with the crazy smiling face-muscle spasms, so I probably won't be cast, and can try really hard to continue my vegetarian/no-leather-wearing ways despite the growing frequency of meat cravings and growing cuteness of leather shoes. However, if by some miracle of miracles I am cast for the commercial, I will tell myself that my body is craving meat, so I must need it, and that when I ate meat, I enjoyed this burger chain above all others, so it's a true endorsement, and I will enjoy every bite of that burger. With cheese.