Caught in an Infinite Loop of Annoyance

Last week I received a strongly worded email from my agent reprimanding those of us who have not signed up for a certain casting website service, and further reprimanding those of us who have signed up for the service for not adding photos to our profiles. A casting director created an account for me on this website service many months ago. I updated my profile and size information as directed by an email from the service. I thought that everything was fine.

My agency wants all of the talent to also upload photos and résumés to this casting website. The email from my agency insists that it's easy to add these items and that each person must take care of this for themselves.

However, the casting website says that our talent agent should create our accounts and upload our photos. Also, the agent code that my agency gave me (after I emailed them to ask for help) to log into the website does not work.

So my agency says I have to update my materials for the website for myself. The website says that my agent has to update my materials for me.

I'm annoyed: at myself for surely missing something obvious here; at my agency for not providing clear, step-by-step instructions on how to create the accounts for this website service; at the website architects for not making the website more user-friendly. There is no section on the website for "help" or "frequently asked questions".

I saved the original email from the website service that links to my profile information. I followed the link again, and there is no spot or further link for me to add photos or résumé to my profile. I simply get a dead-end message that thanks me for updating my profile.

Holiday Weekend? Too bad.

Saturday morning I received an email from my agent that I need to tape myself doing an audition and email it. I ignored the email because it is a holiday weekend. I'll get to it Monday. Also, if I get the part (which I won't) I'll have to go to another state to film the commercial - a state not known for their tourist trade.

When taping auditions, I need someone else to operate the camera, good natural light, absolute silence on this busy street on which I live, absolute silence from my pets, a monochromatic backdrop that is not lighter than my skin tone. I have to slate before and after my lines. Then I beg my husband to help me upload and send the video in the proper format. This all takes time, not to mention the time it takes me to put together the right outfit, fix my unruly hair and apply makeup enough that my features show up on the consumer grade video, but not so much that I look like a Vegas showgirl.

I hope my hardworking agent, who had to take time out of her holiday weekend to email me, understands when she doesn't get my video until Monday afternoon.

Weirdest. Request. Ever.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't the absolute weirdest request ever, but certainly the weirdest one I've heard at an audition. I got a notification for another audition this week. This audition would be in town (cool) with no lines to memorize (great), but I had to wear business attire (not my fave, but okay). So I put on my stockings and my skirt suit with jacket in 97 degree weather and made the short journey to the audition. This one was with a casting guy I like pretty well. He's never made me smile until my face contorted with muscle spasms. I've never left an audition with him wanting to cry.

As he's leading me into the audition room, he asks if I've done any stunt work. Nope. He asks if I ever ride horses. It's been a while, but yes. He asks if I'd be comfortable riding a mechanical bull. Um... do you mean today... in my skirt suit with jacket and stockings? Spoiler alert: I did not have to ride the mechanical bull at the audition. Phew! What a relief! However, I might have to ride one if cast. Then the casting guy instructed me to say on my audition tape that I would only ride the mechanical bull if there was proper padding on the ground and if the stunt was choreographed and supervised for safety. Gulp! So I said that on my audition tape. The casting guy was looking out for my well-being, kind of. I knew there was a reason I liked him, kind of.

It's been thirty-six hours and no word. I probably don't have to worry my pretty little head about getting on the bull. The more I think about it though, the more fun it sounds, kind of.

But It's with Darrell!

I don't shop at that-big-chain-store-that-shall-not-be-named. In general, I don't like the concept of big-box stores, and hate the experience of shopping in them even more. I try to keep my sales tax money and my purchasing at local businesses when I can. When I can't find items locally, I buy online and have my purchases conveniently delivered to my porch.

Imagine my chagrin when I was asked, with only sixteen hours notice, to drive three hours each way to a different city to be audition for that-big-chain-store-that-shall-not-be-named commercial. My initial reaction was to do like Nancy Reagan urged, and just say no. Then I read the script and saw that the commercial will be with Darrell, the current commercial spokesman for that-big-chain-store-that-shall-not-be-named. I love that guy. He exudes charm and humor. He nails the delivery. He makes me turn the sound back on during his commercials and actually watch.

I rearranged my schedule, memorized the commercial script, and drove three hours each way (uphill both ways) for that audition. The casting lady for this audition, who just happens to be my favorite casting lady, said I did a good job, but it's been over forty-eight hours with no news. And you remember that no news (all together now) is bad news for professional actors.

Oh well. I won't get to meet Darrell, but I also won't endorse a place I don't want to endorse.

Disclaimer: If by some miracle, I do land the commercial, I'll be deleting this blog post faster than ice cream melts on a hot day in Texas.

What am I Doing?

First, the good news: I got paid for acting in a dinner mystery show Friday. The audience seemed to enjoy it. I had fun. I also got some free food. That was nice.

I had an audition last week for some actual acting in a film; not a commercial! The character for which I auditioned dies early in the script, but I gave that audition my best. I remembered all the lines, in the correct order even! The casting people only made me do one take, and said "great job!" with sincere smiles. The film's budget is low, but is SAG scale!

Now, the bad news: I have not heard a peep from either my agent or the casting people about the movie. Remember that in the professional actor's life, no news is BAD news. Dadgummit!

What do I think I'm doing trying to be a professional actress? Maybe I'll just go back to being an "extra". There's a much lower barrier to "extra" work, and it usually pays, unlike all of these fruitless auditions I've been going on for nearly a year.

I have a hopeful fear that my agency will drop me soon. Hopeful because if they drop me, I won't have to go on any more of these painful, high-pressure auditions. Fear because I don't want to be dropped. It's like getting fired or dumped.

Expensive Wakeup Call

I got an email today from a thoughtful, well-connected friend asking if I'd like to do some voiceover work later this week. Due to the tight turnaround time, I'd need to submit my voice reel rather than audition. Um, yeah, I've neglected to make a voice reel. I know of a class I can take in town that teaches voiceover techniques. The class costs $250, and does not include production of a voice reel. There was a lady in town who taught voiceover and helped students make a professional reel, but she does not have any future workshops scheduled. I've heard that her series of classes to get a voice reel run about $600.

Very sheepishly, I emailed my well-intentioned friend and admitted that I don't have a voice reel. She encouraged me by stating that it was too bad, because, "I know you could knock this one out of the park."

I'm at a crossroads. My pursuit of a professional acting career is getting ridiculously expensive. In 2009, I spent over $1500 on actor photos, acting classes/workshops and web hosting fees for my acting website. This "business" feels like such a racket.

For several years prior to 2008, I did only stage acting. I made good money doing dinner theater shows and so-so money acting in shows at small, local theatres. I sometimes brought photos of myself to auditions, but did not have to pay for professional headshots. I didn't take any acting classes, because I was too busy holding down day jobs and actually acting.

The jump from stage to screen acting has been so flipping expensive it boggles my mind. I've had limited, small successes with small paychecks for my screen work. I booked all those roles myself, combing the actor resource websites each day and hustling to get work. In the interest of total disclosure, I have not booked a single job based on auditions arranged by my agent. They send me on commercial auditions, and I'm not a super-smiley, fast-talker as I've previously mentioned on this blog. I'm an actress, dangit; not a talking head.

My quandaries: whether or not to pour more money into new headshot photos as requested by my agent; whether or not to pour more money into a voiceover class and making a voice reel; whether or not to pour more money into more classes in hopes of getting myself out there and making some new connections. My instinct tells me to cut and run. I can still do stage work and make a bit of money without all of these expensive prerequisites. However, I worry that I might later regret not making more of a wholehearted/whole-wallet attempt at an acting career.

Add to this heap of insecurity the fact that I don't live in Los Angeles. If an actor wants a screen role with more than three lines, it is typically cast in LA, not in the actual city where the project is filming. Even Law & Order is leaving New York City for LA. Now those New York actors are stuck with mostly stage prospects. My city calls itself "the third coast", but there are more projects filming in Michigan and Louisiana than here over the past few years.

What's a sometime actress to do?

I do not want to pay for more photos. I swear my look has not changed over the past eleven months since my last (expensive) photo session. And my look had not changed in the thirteen months since the previous photo session. If I get a tattoo on my face or chop/dye my hair drastically, then I might be persuaded to pay for new photos.

I think I will take the $250 voiceover class. Maybe I can make my own voice reel on the computer after hearing some other actors' voice reels.

I might also take a dialect class that I've been intrigued by for a few years, but not bother with classes that seem more like expensive networking and less like true instruction.

I'll Never Be Famous

There is not much going on in my professional acting life recently.

I emceed an interactive dinner mystery show for a group of Shriners a few weeks ago. The Shriners were polite, fun and paid on time.

I could have worked as an extra in the stands of a football game for Friday Night Lights this weekend. Seeing as how "featured extra" is already on my résumé for that show, I declined to work 16 hours outside in late May in Texas.

At this rate, I'll never be famous. No unflattering photos of me in Star, Us Weekly or People. No one hounding me for an autograph while I'm in line for a public bathroom. No borrowing blood-diamonds from Harry Winston for the red carpet events.

Actually, I'm fine with this.